One of my pet peeves (this actually makes me angry so I guess it’s a bit more than a pet peeve) is when I read on Facebook or hear someone say, “God is so good…I prayed the test results would return negative and he answered my prayers. He. Is. So. Good.”

To me this feels like a bubble gum theology. If I grab a quarter and place it in the gumball machine, then I am certain to receive the gumball. The only real question is…what color or flavor it will be.

Tracey and I have had a stellar day. We slept in, took a few calls from a couple of organizations who are attempting to serve us by helping us navigate the health care maze we are facing.

Currently, we do not have a solution for when Cobra lapses at the end of June.

We drove 12 miles out Castle Creek Road and took in the incredible scenery that surrounds Aspen. There were snowcapped mountains, stunning meadows, just off the road there were deer grazing, and ducks swimming in streams.

My friend, James Keenan said, “How could anyone drive that road and not believe there is a God?” To which I say, I have no idea.

This afternoon we grabbed a glass of wine, a plate of meat and cheese, and completed the culinary delight with a terrific latte. Following this snack, we walked around snowy Aspen, a town with mountains rising at every corner. It was simply stunning.

Over the past few years we have prayed the following specific prayers.

When we discovered I had Colon cancer we had no idea how bad it was. Generally, if you have Stage I Colon cancer it can be treated and, for the most part, you can be healed…it essentially goes away.

Everything looked great. We prayed we had beaten this beast. My surgery went without a hitch. I felt terrific, yet when we received the lab results, from the procedure, we were informed the cancer was aggressive Stage III and it has since progressed to Stage IV.

Did God not answer our prayers? There were hundreds of people praying, yet we didn’t get what we asked for.

Last year, when we discovered I had a heart issue, we raced to the hospital. Following the heart attack, we prayed God would restore my heart to full functionality. This often occurs when you are able to restore blood flow to the affected areas, however, my heart didn’t recover.

Again, did God not answer these prayers? We didn’t get what we asked for in this case either.

In January, we discovered we had missed a loop hole in our Cobra policy. We were supposed to inform TriNet when we were approved for long-term disability, however, we did not because frankly, no rational person would know to do this unless they took the time to read the policy, which can be found on TriNet’s web portal. For the record, this stipulation can be found on TriNet’s site in their policy document on page 64.

Following this discovery, we petitioned TriNet and Aetna and prayed God would have them show mercy and extend our policy, yet the determination letter we received, from TriNet, simply stated we were denied.

Yet again, God did NOT answer our prayers. Or did he?

Where’s my gumball?

A few minutes ago, Tracey and I watched a video of Lauren Daigle singing, “Trust In You” on YouTube. The fact is, I have heard of this artist and I would have probably recognized the song, but as we read the lyrics my eyes filled with tears and they fill again as I type these words.

It appears as though Lauren, and her co writers, know what it feels like to pray specifically for a desired outcome, yet receive what appears to be something less.

Check out the chorus.

When you don’t move the mountains
I’m needing you to move
When you don’t part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When you don’t give the answers
As I cry out to you
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you

Can any of you relate to these lyrics?

When you don’t…
…give me the answer my friends and I prayed for, which would have been Stage I.
…restore my heart to full functionality.
…prompt the insurance company to show grace and extend our coverage.

Please read on…

Truth is you know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead you have not seen
So let all things be my life and breath
I want what you want Lord and nothing less

This is the truth. Personally, I (too) want what you want Lord and nothing less.

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foudation
The rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go
You’ve not already stood

God loves you and he loves me deeply. He is especially fond of both of us and he wants what’s best for us all and I trust him, I hope you do too.

Frankly, it is frustrating my cancer is stage IV, it is disheartening my heart functions at 60% capacity, and I have no idea how my insurance predicament will play out; however, I do know, when it is all said and done, I will spend an eternity with a God who loves me deeply and knows what’s best.

Do you trust him? I do. I trust him with everything in me and I know, from experience, he is trustworthy.

Take a moment to listen to Lauren Daigle singing “Trust In You.” There’s truth, and a deep faith, to be found in this song, however, there are no gumballs nor is there a gumball theology.